The Greatest Purchase I've Ever Made

I would like to start this blog post with two things: an apology and a disclaimer.

Apology:

I know, I know. I haven’t updated since Halloween. I’m a terrible blogster. (I know the proper word is blogger, but I like blogster because it sounds like mobster and makes me feel a little badass.) So I apologize for depriving you of my wit and trivial observations.

Disclaimer:

This blog post is going to contain the F word. Yes. The F word. I will only use it once, but if you are offended, I advise you to proceed to another website. Maybe Facebook or Stumbleupon.com. I realize that some people find this word tasteless, and maybe it is. But you know what? Sometimes people need to be tasteless. And I don’t believe in censorship, so I refuse to censor myself on my blog when I want to use the F word in a humorous manner about something that is trivial.

Blog post:

This blog is about mascara. Not just any mascara, people. No, it is about CoverGirl’s Lash Blast Volume mascara—the mascara of the GODS.

I was putting on my regular mascara this morning and thought, Ew. I look gross. My eyelashes look so thin, brittle, and just aren’t impressive in any way. I hate this mascara.

So I went off to work looking at the world through my less-than-impressive eyelashes, knowing that everyone was looking at me through their above-average eyelashes and saying to their friends, “Look at the girl with the gross eyelashes. She’s gross.”

After work I went home and cried off my crappy mascara and then had a revelation. My friend Sabrina, whom I’ve dubbed Sabertooth, had recommended CoverGirl’s Lash Blast Volume mascara to me a while ago.

As a girl who hates change, I thought, Do I dare? Do I dare go to Walgreens and purchase this mascara? I like Sabertooth’s eyelashes, but what if it doesn’t look as good on mine? She’s really hot!

I decided to get out of my crappy mascara comfort zone and go for it…

IT’S FUCKING AMAZING.

I put on just one coat and couldn’t stop staring at my eyes. Two coats of this stuff should be illegal. If you see me tomorrow, don’t even try to tell me my eyelashes don’t look amazing, because you’re lying. They do look amazing.

They’re so full and lengthy, yet not brittle. Watch yourself when you see me in person now. My eyelashes will simply dazzle you just like Edward Cullen dazzles Bella. Yeah. I went there.

So if you’re a woman who wants to stop having gross eyelashes, buy this freakin’ stuff. And, hey, you guys out there can buy it too if you’re curious—either about your sexuality or cosmetics.