The Brat Next Door

I live in an apartment. Luckily, I do not live in one of the old buildings in my complex. I get to live in the new building. And it’s downright lovely. There is a downside though—the neighbors.

I really got the bottom of barrel when it came to neighbors. I’ve lived in two other apartments, and never have I had issues with neighbors. But now I have two big issues. This post will discuss issue number one: Aiden.

One of my next-door neighbors shares my bedroom wall. A single man lives there. I know him only as “Dad.” Dad snores loudly and often. Every night when I snuggle down into my outrageously comfortable bed, I am kept awake by Dad’s snoring. It’s like we’re sharing a bed—that’s how loud it is.

The walls are so thin that I know Dad has an iPhone. Whenever Dad gets a text, I know. You may think this makes me creepy, but it doesn’t. It’s not my fault. I know all of these things without even trying.

I can deal with Dad’s snoring and late-night texts, but Dad has a child that sometimes is in his apartment (hence his name, Dad). I’m not sure why the child is only over sometimes or why there is never a woman present—there are many explanations. All I know is, that kid is a little piece of shit.

I’ve recently learned that the boy’s name is Aiden. I know Aiden likes to take baths because our apartments share the bathroom wall too. When Aiden takes baths he likes to scream.

He also likes to scream when he goes to bed. It sounds a little something like this:

“No! I’m not going to my bed!”

mumble, mumble (This is Dad trying to calm Aiden.)

“Nooooo!”

mumble, shuffle

“I don’t want to sleep in my bed! I don’t! I want to sleep in your bed! I want to cuddle with you! I really do!”

Then Aiden starts screaming like a friggin’ banshee, and there are random banging noises.

I kid you not, this goes on for at least thirty minutes, if not more, every single time Aiden must go to bed. Every. Time.

This dad is either the most patient dad ever, or he’s just good at quietly beating his child. Seriously, the man never yells at Aiden. I applaud him for being able to keep his cool.

Over the last couple weeks or so, Aiden’s nightly ritual has changed. Some new dialogue has been introduced. Dad has been more successful in getting Aiden in his own bed. When this happens, here is what Aiden has to say (and, yes, I wrote down what he was saying so I could quote him exactly):

“TURN THE BIG LIGHT ON. YES. DAD. TURN IT ON. TURN IT ON. TURN IT.”

mumble, mumble, shush.

“TURN IT ON. DADDY. DON’T LEAVE IT OFF. TURN IT ON!” 

silence.

This is when Dad must start smothering Aiden with his Buzz Lightyear pillow.

Most nights Aiden is not at Dad’s apartment, so I used to get plenty of peace and quiet. However, a new neighbor has moved in…

Stay tuned for the next post when I discuss the new boy who moved into the apartment below me. He screams even more than Aiden.